The night will come and rip away her wings of innocence through every word they say
07-20-04 02:51 PM

         People keep telling me that I need to change. I need to get out of the pattern of life that I am stuck in. I feel like a record stuck on repeat. Not some record that you'd love to hear though. More like The Greatest Hits of Yodeling. Yes, I, Emily Jane, am The Greatest Hits of Yodeling. Very few want me. Even fewer like me. And most people just forget that I'm here. Why go for the yodeling, when you can get rock? That's like saying, "I'll either give you a trip to Tomah, Wisconsin or New York City!" Which would you choose? I don't live in Tomah. My grandparents are from there. It's mainly Amish people. It's cool for an hour, but it gets old fast. Like me. The Amish yodeling CD. Right now, I'm working out the bugs that are in me. Both emotional and physical. I'm fixing the flaws that act as a mosquito repellent to people that I would love to get to know. I'm working on myself so I'm healthy again. I'm starting over. What's funny is that I've started over, and yet my personality is exactly the same. I still love my depressing music. I still love my dark and gloomy lifestyle. That's who I am. No one really understands that about me though. If you met me, I seem normal enough. I smile and try to be polite around people I don't know unless they look like they're future Paris Hiltons. So I'm a new person, without changing much. Change doesn't scare me much. It's part of life. It's like fire. Both change and fire can ruin your life and both can save it. Example: Fire can burn you to death. That would be a change. If you're in the middle of a forest at night in the winter, a fire can keep you warm and save your life. They even themselves out when it comes to pros and cons. I know most times it seems like changes are going to ruin you, but I've found that they always make me stronger. I've gotten through a lot, and now there aren't as many things that make me worried. Pain is a blessing in disguise.

 

         One reason that I'm starting over is that I've been obsessing over frivolous things that I will never have. Example: Justin. I will never have him to call my boyfriend. And I'm going to have to live with that. Everything will someday work out, so I'll have to just deal with it as it comes. Don't get me wrong, I still feel the same way about him. And he still thinks of me as the Amish Yodeling CD. But that will never change... so I'll deal with it.

 

           I don't have much else to say in this entry. I feel totally new. I feel like I can rule the world right now. It's a weird feeling. I think I'm the dorkiest kid in the world and yet I feel empowered. It's wonderful. As long as I think I'm a dork... everything will be OK.

Current Music: Mudvayne- World So Cold
Current Mood: Enlightened 

 

 

Maybe it's time to spit out the core of our rotting union hopefully before it chokes us 2 our senses
07-21-04 12:36 PM

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to live a full life. A life where you're always active. An old friend of mine was always busy. She played saxophone, clarinet, violin, and piano. She danced ballet, tap, and jazz. She was a straight A student. She was pretty. She was the coolest person I knew. I change my views on whether I want to be like her fairly often. One part of me longs to be that perfect and that liked. And the other part of me loves being the misfit that I am. Imperfection is real beauty. Imperfection is what makes people like you. I've noticed that in people. Because I'm smart, most people around my age can't stand me. I have very few talents. I was talking to some people I knew, and they said all these things about me that they thought were true. It's funny what people think about people they never really knew. Even my friends think I do stuff I don't do. I don't understand how you can say you know someone and then not know anything about them at all. Most of my friends say they know me. Really, they just know of me. I'm this idea that they know. They like the thought of what I might be like, but they never take the time to really get to know me for fear of finding the misfit I am. Why are people afraid of the misfits? Don't they realize that everyone is a misfit? In some way, we are all imperfect. There is something we can't do. Example: I can't run well, I can't ride a bike, and I can't roll my tongue. They are all little things that you just deal with. My imperfections are original. I don't think there is anyone else with my exact sense of humor. I don't think anyone else shares my exact outlook on life. I'm like... A can of Pringles. Except, I'm kind of a reject can. Most of the chips are broken, and there are multiple flavors in the can. But it's a can you'll only see once. Here's to Pringles!

Current Music: Somewhere Out There- Our Lady Peace
Current Mood: Satisfied